Player Profile - Daniel "Kaufers" Kaufman

Bio - Trolls are nasty little things, portrayed in folklore and children’s tales as creatures bent on mischief and wickedness. This Troll fits the bill nicely. He’ll try to tell you that the origins of “Troll” comes from the fact he looks like Aragorn from Lord of the Rings, but don’t believe a word of it, its because he is an angry little man who lives under a bridge and plays tricks on others while laughing at their misfortune.

Troll is another rugby obsessive and when he’s not under his bridge, he is in the gym training for rugby or watching rugby. On the social side he likes to cheat at fives, bolt double handed and instigate savage sessions by calling “Spartacus”.

Position - 6 or 7 - But will also play 12. Troll loves the crash ball, loves it, and will happily take two or three players down with him and despite his glass-like body he plays a hard physical game with a peppering of big hits. Troll’s trademark is the behind the back pass which he has perfected through a decade of playing touch with Taylor, unfortunately when Taylor is not on the end of it and in fact no-one is (usually the case), he is often found cursing the skies and muttering to himself how he wished he had stayed at home that morning.

AKA - "Tuckshop", "The (evil little) Troll", "Sicknote", "Wej", "Cuddles", "Mr Whippy", "DK", "Kauf"

Long and Rambling Bio

Always a late starter, Dan’s sporting career began to some degree aged 11, when, after four laboured years playing football at Haberdashers’ Prep with little to no success (3rd XI’s “Most Improved Player” 1992/93), and following his first training session with the egg-shaped ball in the senior school, P.E. teacher Ian Rice telephoned his parents to tell them “The fat lad has finally found something he is good at”. Into the front row he went and there he would remain, rotund and satisfied, he had more friends than he had ever had and the bullies had stopped calling him “Piggy” (ironic for a jew). Contented, he toiled at loose-head for several seasons before rugby coach Mike Davies spotted he was slightly too good looking to play prop…. and moved him to hooker.

One of the few pedigree players left at Old Habs (having been in Haberdasher Alumni class of 2000), Dan has been playing on and off for OH during recesses from study since 2000. During term time he played for Exeter University and Exeter Chiefs and subsequently Nottingham Law School . But unfortunately the rigors of life in an “Oggy” front row in the South West took its toll and a string of injuries began to hamper his progress.

In his alter-ego as “Sicknote”, Dan has since struggled through several incomplete seasons, further fuelling press speculation that his bones are in fact made of cheese and muscles made of ricepaper. Finally on medical and female advice, Dan decided that the front row was no longer a place to make a living and if he was to play, nay survive, any longer he’d have to shape up and move to the back row. Dan began playing full time for OH in 2005/2006 but the injuries continued and eventually, totally frustrated and inevitably incapacitated, he retired from rugby in 2007. Curiously, OH flourished without him in the ensuing season missing promotion by a whisker and winning the Middlesex Vase.

But if Wilkinson can do it so can the Troll. After a year of dedicated  rehabilitation and brutal training, in 2008/2009 the Troll made a celebrated comeback to OH and with new found strength and speed enjoyed a full and uninterrupted season at 6/7 and when required 12. Troll took over as Captain to the side upon Mitchell’s departure to Abu Dhabi in March 2009, but was rudely overlooked for the permenant role as Irish wrestled the nomination from his mangled paws.

They said it was the “comeback of all comebacks”, until the final 10 minutes of the final game of the 2008/09 season, when 5 metres out, under a ruck (no doubt plotting some mischief), he dislocated his collarbone - you could not have scripted it.

Troll enjoys - practical jokes, the physio table, kosher stuff, losing his temper, being a Morph.

Favourite song: If I was a RichMan - The Fiddler on the Roof. Favourite gym exercise: Deadlifts

Vital Stats

Height - 180cms 

Weight - 91Kgs

Strength - Beach Weights

Speed - Deceptive

Tackle - Solid

                               

 

 

Status - Incapacitated (Collar Bone) Estimated Return Date [TBC].